Merry Christmas 2011

For those of you who are not on our Christmas card list, I apologize for the oversight.  Here, however, is what you would have received in the mail from us:

What a year 2011 has been! We don’t normally do a Christmas letter, but so much has happened in the last year we thought we would put it all in writing to keep you updated.
As you probably know, we moved to the Joplin area for Joe to pastor a church. This Christmas brings us to the close of our second full year at Pathways UMC in Oronogo, which is north of Joplin. Last December we broke ground on the land the church had bought and construction started on the church’s first permanent building. Prior to that the church had been meeting in an old school building in nearby Alba. The school had sat vacant for many years until the church moved in. The building was drafty, creaky, and smelled a little funny (can you tell how much we loved that building?). We spent January through August in the construction phase of the new building.
A lot of our time this year was devoted to the church, whether with building projects or with preparing for the church’s grand opening. There were a lot of activities throughout the summer to let the community know we were moving to our new location. We hosted a concert with the Mark Chapman Band and a comedy night with Skinny Improv. We also did a Back-to-School Blast for kids and did outreach through events in the community during the Hope Epidemic and Serve 2011. It’s been a busy year but we’ve made a lot of great memories with our “family” at church.
This year also brought some big changes in our lives as well. This summer we took the plunge and bought a house in Carl Junction. The house we lived in before was a rental with a hard-to-mow lot and a pain-in-the-neck swimming pool (or frog hatchery) to keep up with. The carpet was ugly as was the outdated linoleum throughout the house. The house we bought is only a mile down the road, but sits on a lovely, tree-filled lot and has lots of recent updates. The view out every window is trees, which was wonderfully beautiful throughout the summer. These same trees have filled us with dread this fall as we have watched our yard fill up with leaves! Those leaves aren’t going to rake themselves! The joys of homeownership, right?
Speaking of our home, we’re sure many of you are curious about how we fared in the Joplin tornado. At the time of the tornado we were still living in the rental house, although we had already signed the paperwork to buy our new house. Where we live is northwest of Joplin, so we were totally unaffected by the storm damage. When the tornado hit, we were in the car on our way home from Springfield. We were moments away from where the tornado went through and the large hail forced us to take shelter off the road, under an overpass. Thankfully, we were a couple of miles north of the path the tornado ended up taking, so we were safe in the spot where we waited out the storm. As we waited, we turned on the radio and heard play-by-play of the places in town that were being destroyed. It was a scary time as we didn’t know what awaited us. The tornado started just outside the city limits on the west side of Joplin and kept right on going, tearing a ¾ mile wide path across the entire city, exiting outside the city limits on the east side of town. Along the way it destroyed thousands of homes, hundreds of businesses and killed 161 people. Of the people who were lost, we personally only knew two of them – our church’s bookkeeper and the electrician who was performing work on the new church building. Four of our congregation members lost their homes in the tornado. In the six months since the tornado, many businesses have either rebuilt or relocated to new buildings. Most of the debris has been completely cleared and many homes are either newly completed or under construction. We had thousands of volunteers and countless donations during the time that followed the tornado and the outpouring of generosity toward Joplin has been inspiring.
Other news I’m sure you’re interested to know: Truman had his fourth birthday this month. He is loving the new house – especially the fenced yard and the never-ending parade of squirrels he gets to chase outside. Tina is still working at Missouri Southern State University. This year she has had a chance to sit on a couple of committees, including the committee on emergency management for the campus. This committee was an integral part of the campus signing an agreement with Red Cross just weeks before the Joplin tornado, an agreement that led to the campus being a major source of support to the entire community in the weeks and months following the disaster. The ink was barely dry on the agreement when the tornado hit and we hadn’t even had a chance to be trained in how to handle a disaster! After the fact, the Red Cross and FEMA both told us that our response to the disaster has caused them to re-think how they will handle wide-scale disasters in the future. Since we hadn’t yet been trained, the campus leaders just jumped in and did what they knew best – and set a new standard for disaster relief in the process!

Other than work and church stuff, we have had a chance to do some traveling this year. In March we traveled back to Minneapolis, MN for a week. We visited our old favorites – Raising Cane’s, IKEA, Mall of America, Izzy’s Ice Cream, and Bad Waitress. We were also blessed to see lots of old friends. In November, we were able to travel to Gulf Shores, AL for a few days for a time of retreat and relaxation, thanks to our friends who generously let us borrow their family’s condo. Joe took the time writing sermons while staring at the beach and Tina used the time to read. We enjoyed some of the great restaurants Gulf Shores had to offer, including LuLu’s (founded by Jimmy Buffet’s sister) and Hawg Wild BBQ.
Certainly there are lots of details of the past year that we’ve left unsaid here. Either we’ve forgotten or the details are just too mundane to bore you with. We do hope this letter finds you and your family full of joy. We hope you have a blessed Christmas and New Year!
Merry Christmas!

Fiiiiiiiive Familyyyy Gatherings...

A few years ago Hollywood brought us the movie "Four Christmases" with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. In the film, this couple always planned a vacation during the Christmas season so they could avoid their respective families during the holidays.  The plan falls apart and they end up having to attend all four family events. They survive the ordeal, but the situation makes for good comedy.

Getting married has brought us not four Christmases...no that would be a welcome scenario, actually....but marriage has brought us FIVE Christmases.  We have three in my family (two extended and one with immediate family) and two gatherings of immediate family for Joe's side of the house.  None of these gatherings takes place in the town where we live.  Each event involves at least an hour and a half of driving. One way.  Our dog is only welcome at one gathering and is tolerated at another. The whole Christmas break is fraught with stress.

I hear friends talk about just having their own little family gathering on Christmas day or taking a cruise over Christmas break and it all sounds so free and wonderful. I love my family...all of them...but I don't love the five drives involved in spending the holidays with them or having to figure out what to do with poor Truman while we're away.  Maybe someday we can get our Christmases together for one gigantic family event.  Or maybe the entire family should all just go on a cruise together and forget about the stress that Christmas can bring -- while we drink out of glasses with tiny umbrellas sticking out of them. Until then, I'll dream about it.  If you see me smiling during the holidays, imagine me with a fruity cruise-style drink in my hand and you'll have a pretty good idea of what's going on inside my head.

Things I bet you didn't know

Next time I (Tina) play "Two Truths and a Lie" we'll see how many of you read this blog.  Did you know that:

• I don't have pierced ears. Never have. No piercings at all, actually. Two reasons for this: (1) I develop weird scar tissue called "keloids"; and (2) I'm a certifiable coward.
• I hate cooked fruit.  I love fresh fruit and I love the idea of fruit pies. Unfortunately something weird happens to the texture of fruit once it is cooked that makes it unpleasant to my mouth. So, if you serve me a fruit pie I'll eat it, but you'll probably see a pile of cooked fruit leftover on the plate when I'm finished. Please don't be offended by this. It's my issue not yours.
• I am legally blind in one eye. I was born with a cataract (thanks Grandma Smith and Grandma Thomas for passing that gene down) and I've never had surgery to correct it.
• I have a six inch scar on my scalp.  When I was three years old my mom and I were in a car accident. That was before kids were required to be strapped into car seats until their 13th birthday. Instead of safely sitting in the backseat of our car, I was laying across the front seat with my head on my mom's lap.  Well, I was laying there until someone ran a stopsign and broadsided us and my head plowed into the dash of the car. That's okay, I don't have many ill effects from it other than the scar.  Wait...who are you and what are you doing here? Do I know you?
• I have been hugged by both Jay Leno and Vince Gill. Don't tell my husband.
• When I was a kid I wanted to be either an astronaut or a detective. I'm glad I didn't grow up to be either.
• I've been a lion, a tiger and a bear. Oh my!  I graduated from Missouri State University (bears) and got my master's degree from the University of Missouri-Columbia (tigers). Now I work for Missouri Southern State University (lions).
• I was born 19 days late (I suspect the due date was wrong, but it's a fun detail to pretend is true)
• My wedding was the first one ever at the Gillioz Theatre in Springfield, MO.  The theatre was renovated and opened in October of 2006 and my wedding there was in December.
• I have always planned to adopt my children.  That's been my desire for as long as I can remember.  I could probably give birth to biological children. I don't know. Why bother when there are so many great kids out there who need forever families?

I'm sure there are other little known facts and maybe those will be recorded in some future blog.

Sometimes Hindsight is 20/80

The saying "Hindsight is 20/20" sounds great and is very often true. But, I find that sometimes hindsight is blurry, like the vision of someone with a serious cataract. Sometimes hindsight is 20/80. 

I (Tina) worked for a private, Christian school for six years. I was the guidance counselor. I loved that job and would happily go back if we ever move back to that city.  My students were great and I had great relationships with many of them. Aside from being a guidance counselor I taught senior Bible and high school drama.  I was able to be a class sponsor and Student Council sponsor for several years while I was there.  As class sponsor I was able to travel on the senior mission trips taken to Toronto and Belize.  My drama Lovelies produced three comedies and two Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals.  While in that job I made a plethora of memories that I will always cherish.

Unfortunately, not everyone shares my fond remembrance of that school.  Tonight while on Facebook I saw a conversation string about this particular school and many of the comments were about how these former students had basically no good memories to look back upon.  They claim that this particular school gave them nothing and did not prepare them well for their experiences in college.  Really?  I wonder, was their experience really so terrible as all that?  They had small class sizes, teachers who cared about them, opportunities to be participate in activities like drama or sports or be part of an award-winning choir.  While kids in area schools were cut from sports teams, our students all had opportunities to compete.  Everyone who participated in drama had a part in our plays. Was the school perfect? No.  But no school is perfect.

Why then is their view in hindsight so negative?  I believe it was a culture of negativity in this particular cohort of students. While they were in high school they were generally prone to see the glass as half empty.  In the moment they had fun, had lots of friends, had good relationships with their teachers, and were involved in lots of activities.  But even with all those positivies, they were focused on how much they hated the dress code or how unfair it was that our school didn't have a dance for prom or how cruel it was that we made them wear lanyards.  When viewed through poop-colored lenses, the school I loved was seen by these particular students as being full of....well, you can imagine what they thought.  Their negativity was contagious and seeped over into others and the climate of negativity was hard to escape.  Even now, reading this Facebook conversation has caused me to question all that I thought was true of my own experiences.  Did I really enjoy it as much as I remember?  

There's a lesson to be learned here.  I don't want to view my world with poop-colored glasses.  I don't want negativity in my attitude to cause my hindsight to be a blurry mess.  There are so many blessings around me and I want to enjoy them now...and as I look back at them later. 

Advice to future church planters

In December of 2009, we came to pastor a small church plant (or a new church start-up) in southwest Missouri. The church had been planted several years before we came, but had taken a pretty rough roller coaster ride before our arrival. Having been there for almost two years now, we have a few pieces of advice for future church planters based on what we've learned so far:

Lesson #1: Don't plant your church in a rented space that is larger that what you can afford to build. Why? You'll be spoiled by all the space and it will be somewhat of a shock when you enter your new building. It is better to be squeezed for space in your rental so that your new building is a welcome relief.

Lesson #2: Watch TLC's "Hoarders: Buried Alive" and strive to do the exact opposite. Don't accumulate items you won't want to move later. 'Tis better to have to re-purchase a few items than to figure out what to do with thousands of items you'll never need to use again.

Lesson #3: Seek advice from others who have gone before you and use the advice that fits your situation. Other church planters are a fount of knowledge on the subject and can offer you amazing advice that you couldn't possibly think up on your own. It's not a sign of weakness to learn from others' successes and failures....it's a sign of wisdom.

Lesson #4: There are about 5,847 details that will fly at you, demanding your attention every day of pastoring a church plant. It's easy to get bogged down in all those details. Just don't forget all the people you're there to lead and the other people you're there to reach out to. The details need to get done, but none of those details matter without the people.

Lesson #5: Your spouse had better be 100% on your team or you'll never make it. We have amazing friends outside our church and inside our church, but leading a church plant requires a special kind of team-work and communication as spouses. Lean on your spouse because you are each others best advisors and cheerleaders.

Lesson #6: Don't forget to love people and have fun along the way.

The Summer of Boxes

We made a major life decision a couple of weeks before the May 22 tornado in Joplin. We put an offer on a house. Since moving to Joplinland we had been renting a lovely house with wonderful neighbors. But the rent was high and it was time to put our money to work for us instead of our landlord. The house we bought is a mile from the house we were renting. Because of the close proximity, we chose not to get a U-Haul. "We can just load up our cars, a couple of loads a night" we told ourselves. "It'll be easier to move down the street than it was to move to/from Minnesota" was the delusion that drove us. Sweat, a million boxes and three weeks of frustration/exhaustion later and we're finally moved into the new house. And the new house is wonderful.

If it were just the move from one house to another then a few weeks of pain would have been bearable. But our move from house to house is the easiest part of our summer. The real fun will happen in a few weeks as we move from one church to another. All the stuff that our church members have accumulated in the past 10 years will have to be moved from the old school in Alba to our brand new "home" in Oronogo. Oh, don't get me wrong, the new church will be a dream-come-true for us all. The old Alba schol building is just moments away from being condemned. There's mold in the basement, broken A/C in most of the building, funny smells (not "ha ha" funny), stains on the floors and many many more quirks we will be leaving behind. When this summer is over I may never want to see another box again...unless it's wrapped in gift wrap and full of a wonderful surprise!

Parenting

Disclaimer: I don't have children. I don't even pretend to know what it would be like to have children. All I have is a dog who sometimes acts like a toddler, but I know that doesn't count. The written rant that follows is based mostly on my opinion and in some cases an educated guess about what I might do as a parent someday. Some of this is based on the fact that I have a master's degree in social work and lots of experience with children (other people's children). Some is based on my own childhood and some is based on seeing the successes and failures of other parents I have witnessed. Feel free to roll your eyes if you must, but at least give me the benefit of the doubt and read the whole blog post first.

I want kids but more that that I want kids who will grow up to be great adults someday. I'm not one of those people who laments when my kids are "too big to cuddle". I want them to grow up and be preteens and teenagers and adults. I'm excited for the different stages of their development and I can't wait for greater and greater maturity to be evident. I want to raise kids who live as debt-free as possible, who have happy, healthy marriages, who value education and knowledge and work hard at jobs they love.

Because I want to raise great adults I know I have a hard job while my kids are children. They are going to hear the word "no". A lot. I'm not going to be a jerk about it but I also want them to know they can survive when things don't go their way. I want them to be able to cope when someone else wins a game or when someone else takes home the prize. I want disappointment to be a momentary glitch in life and nothing more. I also want my kids to value the things they own -- and to value the things that belong to others. As members of a family, my children will have household chores each week. And these chores won't be tied to any form of allowance or other benefit beyond the knowledge that families must work as a team to make life run smoothly. My kids will have opportunities to earn money for extra chores they do, like helping with yard work or washing the car.

Along those lines, my children will have to save up their money and will learn that there are certain things that they must buy for themselves. "Do you want a cell phone? Great. You can have one when you can pay for it yourself." "Expensive, impractical shoes? Sure. Let me know when you've saved up enough money and I'll drive you to the mall." You get the picture. I don't want my children to expect to receive every item that strikes their momentary fancy. One of my biggest fears is that someday my child will leave our home and fall into the credit card trap in an effort to keep up with a lifestyle I've instilled in them. I want them to understand that they won't automatically turn 18, move out on their own and immediately have a home and nice things and the freedom to buy everything they want. A realistic first place involves ratty, handmedown furniture, cheap Ramen noodles, and old Cool Whip containers in place of Tupperware. You work your way up to the comfortable lifestyle that most adults enjoy and you do that by working hard and spending your money wisely (including savings).

I want my children to grow up with the ability to delay gratification. Saying "no" to something right now might allow the freedom to say "yes" to something even better in the future. There are several studies about delayed gratification, and children who are able to delay gratification tend to be more successful as adults. I want that for my children. I want my children to be able to say "no" to their own impulsive decisions and to the pressures of impulsive friends. I want them to do well in school so that they have plenty of options available to them after high school. If college is the path they choose then I want them to have plenty of options available for scholarships so that they don't have to graduate with burdensome student loans.

Most of all I want my children to be well liked. Don't mistake what I'm saying here. I'm not saying I want my children to be "popular". I spent a lot of my life expecting that popularity would be the thing that would make my life complete. I can now look back at many of those then-popular kids and I see the error of my ways. I don't want that for my kids. I do want them to be well liked. I want them to be socially adept, comfortable with other kids and with adults. I want them to be able to carry on a conversation. and to have polite manners. I want them to have empathy and concern for others. I want them to be generous and thoughtful. I want them to be the kind of kid (and someday adult) that others admire fondly, not because he or she is the life-of-the-party, but because of a lifestyle of genuine kindness.

"It all sounds good, but unrealistic", you say. Maybe. I don't have kids and so I don't know how unrealistic it really is. But, I know that it won't be easy to raise great adults. I know that saying "no" won't always look like an episode of "The Cosby Show". But, I know that if my kids are going to mess up I would much rather they mess up while they still live under my roof so I can help guide them through their mistakes to help them avoid making that same mistake a second time. I do know it can be done because I've seen it done. I think my parents did it, and even though I didn't always appreciate it at the time, I know I have a great life now that is almost entirely thanks to their parenting back then. I hope that someday my kids write a blog post just like this using Twitbook or whatever social networking tool that is available in the future. Check back in 20 years or so to see if my parenting plans are successful.