A change of mind....sort of
A few weeks ago I posted about our soon-to-be littles and how we would be foster parenting. But, foster parenting wasn't our original goal. Our goal all along has been to adopt through the foster care system. For those of you who don't know how it works, children are removed from their biological home for a variety of reasons. Some people blame those "nosy" social workers for "unfairly" snatching children away from loving parents because of an innocent spanking. I've even heard people say that "if you want to spank your kids, you'd better not do it at the grocery store or you'll get your kids taken away from you". That's a terribly skewed characterization of the challenging work done by social workers, caseworkers, law enforcement officers, investigators, juvenile justice workers and others in the child protective system. No, in most cases children are hardly snatched from "loving" parents over a mere spanking. The children who are placed in foster care come from situations were their safety is at risk due to neglect and/or physical, emotional, educational, medical and/or sexual abuse.
Their homes are often filled with a level of filth that would make most people vomit, with cockroaches, mice and other vermin contaminating every surface. Rat poison is stored on the shelf next to baby formula. Household chemicals used to manufacture meth is easily accessible by little hands. Clothing and dishes go unwashed, floors go unswept, and dog feces cover the floor. Their clothing is inappropriate for the weather outside. The food they eat is non-nutritious junk. The baby might be given a bottle containing Kool-aid or soda pop because it's cheaper than formula. When they cry they are ignored -- or in some cases they are screamed at or smacked around or shaken until they stop. Some of these children suffer years of ongoing abuse of all kinds before someone notices and does something about it.
When the abuse is finally reported, investigators from children's services have 72 hours to investigate (less if the child is in imminent danger). If the situation seems to have a workable solution then the family is referred to a worker who tries to help the family get healthy. They work with the parents to access needed services and learn life skills (like how to pick up dog feces or wash dishes). If the situation is too unsafe for the child to remain in the home, a different kind of caseworker locates a placement in a licensed foster home. Often, siblings are seperated in this process because homes rarely have space for multiple children, especially if there are several siblings. Foster parents, case workers, therapists, and others work with the parents to eradicate whatever issue caused their home to be too unsafe for children. If physical or emotional abuse is the issue, they are required to attend parenting classes and other treatment as appropriate. Sometimes there are legal ramifications for the abuse that occurred and the system works on that, too. If they are successful (or successful enough) the biological parents gain more and more access to their children through visitation until they eventually are reunified with their kids permanently.
Thanks to the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997, children no longer languish in the foster care system if their parents are not successful at reunification. This law asserts that children deserve a permanent family situation. If children are out of their home for 15 out of 22 consecutive months then the goal of their foster care placement changes and efforts are made to find a permanent home for those children outside of their immediate biological family. This can include other family members or family friends -- known as a kinship placement. Kinship adoption is the most ideal, if the "new" family is healthy. Kids in this situation are able to maintain permanent relationships with people they know and to whom they have a biological connection. If no kinship placement is available or appropriate, the next option is to give the existing foster family the opportunity to adopt the child. If that isn't possible or appropriate (like in a case where there are siblings who could be reunified by being adopted together), then the next option is to find a willing adoptive family. Once an appropriate adoptive placement is found (and if the parents have continued to fail at meeting their goals of reunification), then a judge rules to terminate the parental rights and grant the adoption.
When we jumped into this process we began taking the foster parenting classes (which you have to do regardless if you want to foster or adopt through the "system") and had our inital home visit with the worker from Division of Family Services. Joe and I always talked about adopting a sibling group who needs a permanent home, but the case worker indicated we needed to be foster parents first. We went with the flow and decided to foster parent, if necessary, but that our ultimate goal was still adoption. As we've gone through the process, though, we have learned that for the kinds of kids we want to adopt (older sibling group), there should be no problem in finding a permanent placement without years of fostering first. So, if you hear us talking about adoption only, we haven't really changed out mind....we've just changed it back to what we wanted all along.
Their homes are often filled with a level of filth that would make most people vomit, with cockroaches, mice and other vermin contaminating every surface. Rat poison is stored on the shelf next to baby formula. Household chemicals used to manufacture meth is easily accessible by little hands. Clothing and dishes go unwashed, floors go unswept, and dog feces cover the floor. Their clothing is inappropriate for the weather outside. The food they eat is non-nutritious junk. The baby might be given a bottle containing Kool-aid or soda pop because it's cheaper than formula. When they cry they are ignored -- or in some cases they are screamed at or smacked around or shaken until they stop. Some of these children suffer years of ongoing abuse of all kinds before someone notices and does something about it.
When the abuse is finally reported, investigators from children's services have 72 hours to investigate (less if the child is in imminent danger). If the situation seems to have a workable solution then the family is referred to a worker who tries to help the family get healthy. They work with the parents to access needed services and learn life skills (like how to pick up dog feces or wash dishes). If the situation is too unsafe for the child to remain in the home, a different kind of caseworker locates a placement in a licensed foster home. Often, siblings are seperated in this process because homes rarely have space for multiple children, especially if there are several siblings. Foster parents, case workers, therapists, and others work with the parents to eradicate whatever issue caused their home to be too unsafe for children. If physical or emotional abuse is the issue, they are required to attend parenting classes and other treatment as appropriate. Sometimes there are legal ramifications for the abuse that occurred and the system works on that, too. If they are successful (or successful enough) the biological parents gain more and more access to their children through visitation until they eventually are reunified with their kids permanently.
Thanks to the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997, children no longer languish in the foster care system if their parents are not successful at reunification. This law asserts that children deserve a permanent family situation. If children are out of their home for 15 out of 22 consecutive months then the goal of their foster care placement changes and efforts are made to find a permanent home for those children outside of their immediate biological family. This can include other family members or family friends -- known as a kinship placement. Kinship adoption is the most ideal, if the "new" family is healthy. Kids in this situation are able to maintain permanent relationships with people they know and to whom they have a biological connection. If no kinship placement is available or appropriate, the next option is to give the existing foster family the opportunity to adopt the child. If that isn't possible or appropriate (like in a case where there are siblings who could be reunified by being adopted together), then the next option is to find a willing adoptive family. Once an appropriate adoptive placement is found (and if the parents have continued to fail at meeting their goals of reunification), then a judge rules to terminate the parental rights and grant the adoption.
When we jumped into this process we began taking the foster parenting classes (which you have to do regardless if you want to foster or adopt through the "system") and had our inital home visit with the worker from Division of Family Services. Joe and I always talked about adopting a sibling group who needs a permanent home, but the case worker indicated we needed to be foster parents first. We went with the flow and decided to foster parent, if necessary, but that our ultimate goal was still adoption. As we've gone through the process, though, we have learned that for the kinds of kids we want to adopt (older sibling group), there should be no problem in finding a permanent placement without years of fostering first. So, if you hear us talking about adoption only, we haven't really changed out mind....we've just changed it back to what we wanted all along.
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