Parental Advice
You might be asking yourself why someone with no children would dare to write a a blog post titled "Parental Advice". I may not have kids (yet), but I am a teacher. I have plenty of valid advice to offer because, as a teacher, I see lots of negative effects of poor parenting.
Parental Advice #1 -- Have a healthy routine that is followed like clockwork in your home. A routine is one of the best things you can do for your child, in my opinion. Wake up at the same time each morning. Have the same routine each morning for getting ready to head out the door. When kids come home after school, have the same routine for homework, meal preparation and eating, free-time and bedtime. And don't forget the importance of a good bedtime routine to help young minds switch into sleep-mode. Bath-time and reading are good choices to help kids make the transition from activity to slumber. A routine makes their lives more calm and predictable. They don't have to worry about what is going to happen next because they know....it's the same thing that happens every day at that time. And, kids like routine because they don't have to wonder what proper behavior looks like. If they were successful with yesterday's routine, they'll know how to successfully complete the same tasks today. Finally, routine keeps parents calm and in charge.
Parental Advice #2 -- Along with Advice #1, part of your routine needs to be a decently early bedtime (Think 8:00 or 8:30 p.m. for kids under age eight). Kids need more sleep than adults. Their brains are still developing, which is hard work. Sleep is vital to their ability to function well. Kids who are tired are cranky, have poor concentration and don't make the most wise choices. Have you ever noticed how much more difficult it is to get your tired toddler to cooperate with a task? Same goes for all other ages and developmental levels in childhood and adolescence.....they just aren't as unpleasant about it as toddlers are. If you want your child to do well in school and behave well all the time, getting plenty of sleep is a key need you'll want to meet for them. Set an early bedtime and then guard it like it's made of gold.
Parental Advice #3 -- Watch out for snacks and drinks that aren't a color that occurs in nature. Look at the label of the snack you're about to give your child -- do you see words like "high fructose corn syrup" or "sugar"? How many artificial colors are listed in the ingredients? All those things have a high likelihood of changing your child's behavior for the worst. Stay away from those foods/drinks and you'll save your child from more than obesity. And you might just save your own sanity in the process. Serve your child drinks like water, milk and real juice (although juice should be served in limited quantities because it does contain natural sugar). Serve snacks like graham crackers, pretzels, fruit, vegetables, applesauce, granola and nuts. Don't even buy the other stuff so it isn't an option in your home. You'll thank yourself later when you see improved moods and behavior from kids who aren't suffering from sugar highs and lows.
Parental Advice #4 -- Your child's teachers should be your best friends. Okay, maybe not literally your best friends. That might be awkward for everyone. But, you should pay attention to what your child's teacher or teachers say they see in your child or what they say your child needs. Teachers have training and on-the-job experience you probably don't have. They have knowledge and insight that you probably haven't considered. Plus, they're outside your family dynamic and see a different side to your child. They see your child in the context of other children in the same developmental stage as your child. Teachers and counselors have a solid idea of what is "normal" child/adolescent development. If they see something concerning and feel strongly enough about it that they raise their concern with you, you should definitely listen. And you should work alongside them to be part of the solution. On a related note, you should value your child's education enough to do whatever it takes for them to do as well in school as they can. If you want your child to have plenty of options to reach their dreams for life after high school graduation, then doing their best in school is critically important. Also, the worst statistics in all areas belong to those kids who drop out of school before graduation or completing a GED. If you want your child to be more than a sad statistic, then value their education and make sure your kids know it is a high priority for your family.
Parental Advice #5 -- Give your kids responsibilities that teach them (a) how to take care of themselves and (b) how to be part of a healthy family. As a family, you should all have responsibility for keeping your home clean and comfortable. You should all know how to take turns cleaning different areas so that when your child grows up they know how to keep a toilet clean, do their laundry, wash dishes, etc. You don't want your child's future spouse to be the poor soul to teach those lessons. He or she won't appreciate it very much.
Parental Advice #6 -- This last piece of advice might be a summary of the others. Or it might be a stand-alone piece of advice. Or both. Advice #6 is to set clear boundaries for your child and make sure they know that crossing boundaries has consequences every time. In life, if I hit someone, there's a good chance I could be charged with a crime. If I refuse to get out of bed on time and constantly run late to my obligations, I probably won't be very successful at keeping my job. If I lie, gossip and cheat, people won't trust me and I will probably be last in line for promotions....if I can manage to stay employed. So, if those behaviors (and a whole host of others I could list here) are bad for me as an adult, why would I want my child to develop those habits during childhood? Therefore, instill responsibility, respect, honesty, sportsmanship, honor, integrity, kindness, patience, and self-control in your child now through the boundaries you set and enforce. Let them experience natural consequences for their poor choices (in cases where it is safe). Enforce consequences for poor choices so they learn those behaviors are unacceptable. And be consistent in enforcing those boundaries. If you aren't sure how to do that, check out "Parenting with Love and Logic", "Conscious Discipline", or "1-2-3 Magic".
Your child's entire life depends on your choices as a parent. It isn't just the 18 years or so that they live in your home. You are setting them up for success or failure in adulthood by some of the lessons you teach them now. That knowledge should make you take your job as a parent seriously. As a teacher, I have seen young children who I am certain are on a trajectory toward a life in prison. Without a shadow of a doubt, I see these children making choices that will eventually turn into criminal behavior. I don't want that for these babies who have such potential -- and I know you don't want that for your sweet babies either.
Parental Advice #1 -- Have a healthy routine that is followed like clockwork in your home. A routine is one of the best things you can do for your child, in my opinion. Wake up at the same time each morning. Have the same routine each morning for getting ready to head out the door. When kids come home after school, have the same routine for homework, meal preparation and eating, free-time and bedtime. And don't forget the importance of a good bedtime routine to help young minds switch into sleep-mode. Bath-time and reading are good choices to help kids make the transition from activity to slumber. A routine makes their lives more calm and predictable. They don't have to worry about what is going to happen next because they know....it's the same thing that happens every day at that time. And, kids like routine because they don't have to wonder what proper behavior looks like. If they were successful with yesterday's routine, they'll know how to successfully complete the same tasks today. Finally, routine keeps parents calm and in charge.
Parental Advice #2 -- Along with Advice #1, part of your routine needs to be a decently early bedtime (Think 8:00 or 8:30 p.m. for kids under age eight). Kids need more sleep than adults. Their brains are still developing, which is hard work. Sleep is vital to their ability to function well. Kids who are tired are cranky, have poor concentration and don't make the most wise choices. Have you ever noticed how much more difficult it is to get your tired toddler to cooperate with a task? Same goes for all other ages and developmental levels in childhood and adolescence.....they just aren't as unpleasant about it as toddlers are. If you want your child to do well in school and behave well all the time, getting plenty of sleep is a key need you'll want to meet for them. Set an early bedtime and then guard it like it's made of gold.
Parental Advice #3 -- Watch out for snacks and drinks that aren't a color that occurs in nature. Look at the label of the snack you're about to give your child -- do you see words like "high fructose corn syrup" or "sugar"? How many artificial colors are listed in the ingredients? All those things have a high likelihood of changing your child's behavior for the worst. Stay away from those foods/drinks and you'll save your child from more than obesity. And you might just save your own sanity in the process. Serve your child drinks like water, milk and real juice (although juice should be served in limited quantities because it does contain natural sugar). Serve snacks like graham crackers, pretzels, fruit, vegetables, applesauce, granola and nuts. Don't even buy the other stuff so it isn't an option in your home. You'll thank yourself later when you see improved moods and behavior from kids who aren't suffering from sugar highs and lows.
Parental Advice #4 -- Your child's teachers should be your best friends. Okay, maybe not literally your best friends. That might be awkward for everyone. But, you should pay attention to what your child's teacher or teachers say they see in your child or what they say your child needs. Teachers have training and on-the-job experience you probably don't have. They have knowledge and insight that you probably haven't considered. Plus, they're outside your family dynamic and see a different side to your child. They see your child in the context of other children in the same developmental stage as your child. Teachers and counselors have a solid idea of what is "normal" child/adolescent development. If they see something concerning and feel strongly enough about it that they raise their concern with you, you should definitely listen. And you should work alongside them to be part of the solution. On a related note, you should value your child's education enough to do whatever it takes for them to do as well in school as they can. If you want your child to have plenty of options to reach their dreams for life after high school graduation, then doing their best in school is critically important. Also, the worst statistics in all areas belong to those kids who drop out of school before graduation or completing a GED. If you want your child to be more than a sad statistic, then value their education and make sure your kids know it is a high priority for your family.
Parental Advice #5 -- Give your kids responsibilities that teach them (a) how to take care of themselves and (b) how to be part of a healthy family. As a family, you should all have responsibility for keeping your home clean and comfortable. You should all know how to take turns cleaning different areas so that when your child grows up they know how to keep a toilet clean, do their laundry, wash dishes, etc. You don't want your child's future spouse to be the poor soul to teach those lessons. He or she won't appreciate it very much.
Parental Advice #6 -- This last piece of advice might be a summary of the others. Or it might be a stand-alone piece of advice. Or both. Advice #6 is to set clear boundaries for your child and make sure they know that crossing boundaries has consequences every time. In life, if I hit someone, there's a good chance I could be charged with a crime. If I refuse to get out of bed on time and constantly run late to my obligations, I probably won't be very successful at keeping my job. If I lie, gossip and cheat, people won't trust me and I will probably be last in line for promotions....if I can manage to stay employed. So, if those behaviors (and a whole host of others I could list here) are bad for me as an adult, why would I want my child to develop those habits during childhood? Therefore, instill responsibility, respect, honesty, sportsmanship, honor, integrity, kindness, patience, and self-control in your child now through the boundaries you set and enforce. Let them experience natural consequences for their poor choices (in cases where it is safe). Enforce consequences for poor choices so they learn those behaviors are unacceptable. And be consistent in enforcing those boundaries. If you aren't sure how to do that, check out "Parenting with Love and Logic", "Conscious Discipline", or "1-2-3 Magic".
Your child's entire life depends on your choices as a parent. It isn't just the 18 years or so that they live in your home. You are setting them up for success or failure in adulthood by some of the lessons you teach them now. That knowledge should make you take your job as a parent seriously. As a teacher, I have seen young children who I am certain are on a trajectory toward a life in prison. Without a shadow of a doubt, I see these children making choices that will eventually turn into criminal behavior. I don't want that for these babies who have such potential -- and I know you don't want that for your sweet babies either.
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