One thing leads to another…

When you read about the story of Adam and Eve in the Old Testament book of Genesis, it says that Eve’s curse she received for eating the forbidden fruit was pain in childbirth and the words “You will want your husband very much, but he will rule over you.”

I see the effects of this curse everyday in my own heart. I constantly live with doubt over whether or not my husband still finds me loveable or attractive. I live in constant need for reassurance of his love. My desire is for my husband to prove to me that I meet with his approval. Proof is given when he gives me attention, affection, loving words, romantic actions, and near-constant wooing.

Does that happen? No! Of course it isn’t realistic for my husband to spend his every waking moment fulfilling my need to feel loved. He cannot possibly meet that need for me. That is why it is a curse.

And it isn’t hard to see this curse in the world around me. I see it in the young girls who are always chasing after attention from boys. Sending texts that say “Do you think I’m pretty?”, girls trying to squeeze into size zero jeans, staring too often at that crooked part of her nose that she just knows everyone else is laughing at, looking at impossibly air-brushed bodies in magazines and starving herself to be like them, showing too much skin in order to get noticed, or worrying over how many likes she gets on Instagram – all those actions are part of a girl’s curse as she desires after her husband. She desires what only a perfect husband could possibly fulfill.

I see it in the actions of girls who go too far sexually with their boyfriends or with boys they meet at a party or boys they wish would go out with them or boys who show them a tiny bit of affection. When a girl agrees to send a too-revealing picture of herself on Snapchat or through a text message, she is living out the curse of Eve. She wants the boy who looks at her body to tell her she is beautiful and lovely. That girl who is showing off her body is trying to get the affection and reassurance that is meant to come from her husband. She desires after her husband.

And guess what? Guys sure do rule this over the women I see around me. It doesn’t take much effort from a guy to make a girl feel special and loved. A touch on the small of her back as they walk through a door. Holding her hand in the movie. Gently caressing the side of her face as he gives her a kiss. Whispering in her ear that there is no one else in the world besides her. Before you know it, that guy has convinced her that she is loved. As she swoons, she does whatever it takes to keep that affection and reassurance coming. She lets him cross boundary lines with her. She allows him to touch her body in ways that she didn’t realize God was saving for someone truly would cherish and adore her in marriage. This girl who is living out the curse of Eve allows God’s great plan to be walked all over – dirtied and used and abused – all because she most-deeply desires after her husband. And this guy – all the guys who don’t honor and protect women – rules over her by using her need for reassurance to get the temporary sexual pleasure he wants.

Guys are great at making us think we have to cross those boundary lines. We are made to believe that because we have been dating a certain amount of times we must say “yes”. Or that because he took us on a really special date we must say “yes”. Or that because all our friends have done it, we must say “yes”. Or that if we want to keep him from breaking up with us, we must say “yes”. Or that if we really love him, we must say “yes”. Or that because we are enjoying the make-out session, we must say “yes”.

Girls, I am begging you to understand that God has an amazing plan for your future. Yes, Eve messed up the perfect plan God had. We are all living with the curse and we all have a deeply felt need that drives us to want to fill up that spot in our hearts and minds. All. The. Time. 

But, God also gave each of us a brain and plenty of self-control. We must remind ourselves often that God has a good plan for our lives and that allowing our bodies to be used for meaningless sex will not fulfill us. It doesn’t empower us. Sex cannot make you feel loveable and reassured of your beauty. While it might soothe your feelings for a few brief moments, you’ll soon be filled with guilt, regret, a broken heart, worry and maybe even lifelong consequences (like a pregnancy you didn’t want or a sexually-transmitted disease). Sex will not keep that guy from breaking up with you and it won’t make him love you. It doesn’t matter that you have dated for a long time or that he took you on a really special date. The moment will end, your horniness will subside and when the dust settles you will still be left without the very thing you crave so deeply.

Wait for something better – wait for God’s plan for your life to unfold. It is like a treasure waiting for you when the time is right. Don’t settle for something that will leave you feeling even more empty and rejected.