Pray for your pastor's spouse
A few weeks ago I wrote encouraging you to pray for your pastor. I gave a long list of reasons that he/she needs prayer. And those are still valid and important. Continue to pray for your pastor. But this time I am writing to remind you to pray for your pastor's spouse.
First of all, your pastor's spouse is like a single parent on Sundays. Usually the pastor has to leave well before church begins to do things like unlocking the doors, adjusting the thermostats, going over the sermon, checking on technology, etc. The spouse stays behind to finish feeding the children, getting them ready to go, managing the sibling rivalry, and getting out the door in time for church to begin. If he or she looks stressed or frazzled, you can bet the children are to blame -- and he/she has to keep all that stress bottled up so as not to distract her husband or add worry to any congregation members.
Second, very often the pastor's spouse has a wide variety of duties at the church. Many churches view the pastor's spouse as a bonus staff member who doesn't require a paycheck (and who doesn't usually get a vote on any of the important committees). Some of the tasks are a good fit for the spouse's interests and spiritual gifts, but some of the tasks are things that no one else in the church is willing to do. The former are enjoyable, the latter are a constant source of frustration.
Third, assuming your pastor's spouse gets the luxury of being in the service during the worship and sermon (instead of the nursery or children's ministry), then he or she is most likely sitting alone. It is nice to sit with your spouse during church -- something your pastor's spouse rarely gets to enjoy.
Fourth, it is difficult for pastor's spouses to make friends. Friendships with congregation members are tricky and most spouses feel they can't be totally themselves with church members. There are lots of books and blogs written on this topic and most give lots of reasons (and stories) of how congregation members have hurt spouses with their complaints and gossip.
Fifth, the pastor's spouse often feels like the church is a sort of mistress. What I mean by that is the duties of a pastor are often 24/7. Pastors don't work just Sundays and Wednesdays. Family time is often lost to committee meetings, counseling sessions, hospital visits, funeral visitations, phone calls, text/email communication, mission trips, denominational conferences, and small groups. During the time that is leftover, the pastor is often thinking/stressing about things in the church -- which distracts from quality family time.
Finally, no matter how great a church is, it is impossible to please everyone all the time. The pastor's spouse often shoulders the burden of complaints and conflicts within the church. He/she is a safe place, a sounding board for the pastor to vent about problems or to verbally process church issues.
First of all, your pastor's spouse is like a single parent on Sundays. Usually the pastor has to leave well before church begins to do things like unlocking the doors, adjusting the thermostats, going over the sermon, checking on technology, etc. The spouse stays behind to finish feeding the children, getting them ready to go, managing the sibling rivalry, and getting out the door in time for church to begin. If he or she looks stressed or frazzled, you can bet the children are to blame -- and he/she has to keep all that stress bottled up so as not to distract her husband or add worry to any congregation members.
Second, very often the pastor's spouse has a wide variety of duties at the church. Many churches view the pastor's spouse as a bonus staff member who doesn't require a paycheck (and who doesn't usually get a vote on any of the important committees). Some of the tasks are a good fit for the spouse's interests and spiritual gifts, but some of the tasks are things that no one else in the church is willing to do. The former are enjoyable, the latter are a constant source of frustration.
Third, assuming your pastor's spouse gets the luxury of being in the service during the worship and sermon (instead of the nursery or children's ministry), then he or she is most likely sitting alone. It is nice to sit with your spouse during church -- something your pastor's spouse rarely gets to enjoy.
Fourth, it is difficult for pastor's spouses to make friends. Friendships with congregation members are tricky and most spouses feel they can't be totally themselves with church members. There are lots of books and blogs written on this topic and most give lots of reasons (and stories) of how congregation members have hurt spouses with their complaints and gossip.
Fifth, the pastor's spouse often feels like the church is a sort of mistress. What I mean by that is the duties of a pastor are often 24/7. Pastors don't work just Sundays and Wednesdays. Family time is often lost to committee meetings, counseling sessions, hospital visits, funeral visitations, phone calls, text/email communication, mission trips, denominational conferences, and small groups. During the time that is leftover, the pastor is often thinking/stressing about things in the church -- which distracts from quality family time.
Finally, no matter how great a church is, it is impossible to please everyone all the time. The pastor's spouse often shoulders the burden of complaints and conflicts within the church. He/she is a safe place, a sounding board for the pastor to vent about problems or to verbally process church issues.
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